“The Happiness Equation” by Neil Pasricha is one of those short and simple reads that makes an instant impact on you. His nine secrets to happiness are compelling and practical. I highly recommend this book to everyone. You can complete it just 2 hours.
Here are the 3 short stories from the book that I found most insightful.
Story 1 – External Rewards
An old man enjoyed sitting on his front porch every day until the elementary school bell rang and neighborhood kids walking past his porch stopped to taunt him from the sidewalk. Finally, the old man came up with a plan. He offered the children a dollar each if they’d return the next day and yell their insults. They were excited, so they returned, yelled their insults, and he paid each of them a dollar. He then said he’d like them to come back the next day and yell their insults, but he could pay them only 25 cents. So they returned, yelled their insults, and he paid them a quarter each. Before they left, he said that he could only afford to pay them a penny on Wednesday. “Forget it,” they said. “That’s not worth it.” And they never bothered him again.
When you do something for money,fame,competition etc, that’s external motivation. Internal motivation is when you do a deed just because you like doing it, irrespective of the rewards. When external rewards drive your actions, the quality of work and your attitude towards it suffers.
Story 2 – Self Acceptance
One day Buddha was visiting a tiny village. He had become a religious man, also called Brahman, and was traveling from town to town to share his message. He was becoming so popular that when people heard the Buddha was coming they went to hear him speak. As a result many other Brahmans lost their audience. One Brahman was so upset with the Buddha that he found him and went to see him late at night. He was furious! “You have no right teaching others,” he shouted. “You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake!
Buddha smiled at the Brahman and listened until he was done with his rant. When the Brahman was done, Buddha still sat, smiling at him. This made the Brahman even angrier. “Why are you just sitting there smiling? What do you have to say?” Then Buddha spoke. “Tell me something, Brahman: Do friends and colleagues, relatives and kinsmen, ever come to your house as guests?” “Yes,” the Brahman answered. “And tell me something, Brahman,” Buddha continued. “Do you serve them food and delicacies when they arrive?” “Yes,” the Brahman answered, “I do.” “And tell me something, Brahman,”Buddha continued. “If they don’t accept them, to whom do those foods belong?”
“Well, I suppose if they don’t accept them, those foods are all mine.” “Yes,” said Buddha. “In the same way, Brahman, I do not accept your anger and your criticism. It is all yours.”
“If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy. All you have done is hurt yourself. If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead.”
Do not respond to anger with anger, or to insult with insult. Instead, evaluate the merits of criticism objectively.An emotional response will just leave the both of you unhappy.
Story 3 – Top 5 Regrets
Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative nurse who spent years taking care of the dying in the last three months of their lives. “When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently,” she says, “common themes surfaced again and again.” She eventually put together the five most common regrets from people moments away from their last breath and posted it online
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Have you noticed what’s not in the list? There’s nothing related to money, popularity, career accomplishments or ambitious goals. All of these common regrets are directly related to being true to one’s self.
So always follow the deep-down version of you. Also, you’ll always be the best at being yourself. No competition.
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